6th
confessions of a reluctant psychic
Anyone who knows me for a little while soon finds out that I once worked as a phone psychic.
I did it for about 11 months and was actually pretty good at it. Or so I’ve heard. Like many other things in my life, I tend to block out the stuff I don’ want to hear.
Anyway, I did it during the other big recession in my life out of a boiler room near the San Diego Mission (which according to my former co-workers was the site of a major psychic vortex caused by the dead Indians killed by Father Junipero Serra.
As psychic vortexes go, it was pretty cool. There was reasonable freeway access and fast food restaurants near by.
Why did I do it? Why do I do anything? I’ve always wanted to have a life that would make a good story (or at least a decent comedy). Plus, I suppose I thought it would get me chicks. It did, but, unfortunately, I’ve always had a hard time with women who didn’t see through me.
I used to work nights at the psychic line and I gained a few pounds while I was there eating corn chips.
How come, you ask?
Well, Claudia, the woman who ran the psychic line, said we needed to be grounded. At my orientation meeting she said, “There is a lot of energy in here and you need to stay grounded. Especially when you leave to go home. Think about it this way: Imagine that we work on a freeway where everything is going 70 miles an hour and you leave to go on a road that only 35 mph. You don’t want to be going 70 mph when everyone else is going 35 mph, so eat corn chips. Oh, and keep some in the car. There’s a vending machine down the hall.”
I did it for a while and then my psychic intuition told me she was getting a cut of the vending machine profits.
I’ve attached a link to a story I wrote about my work as a psychic and it’s basically true and cynical. On the other hand, I have to be honest and say there are times when I actually believe I have some ability. I don’t mind skepticism at that last sentence. I think skepticism is healthy, but I’ve had more people tell me I hit the nail on the head than tell me I was full of it.
But I’ve had those too. In fact, one day at the psychic line I was really depressed because I had just spent 30 minutes offering advice to a woman who said I was completely wrong. BTW, at $4.99 a minute, she basically paid $150 for that privilige.
I had to take a break after that and met some of the other psychics who could tell I was depressed (because they’re psychic I imagine). Anyhow, I explained the conversation and I was nervous, fearful that the jig would be up and they would realize I sucked as a seer.
It wasn’t that way at all. Instead the comments were along the lines of “She’s in denial.”
Whoooopee! A license to steal.
Since then, I will do readings for people who ask and occasionally make money doing it. I’ve done it for celebrities and Facebook friends and even astrologers. I don’t know if I’ll put it on my tombstone but Jackie Stallone said I had an incredible chart.
It’s weird. I enjoy doing it, especially when I know I’m really reaching a person. On the other hands, when people try to ask me stupid questions like, “What am I going to have for dinner?” I do get annoyed.
